i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
