38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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