3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
