do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
