K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
