I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
