she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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