someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
