wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
