I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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