I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
