did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
