You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
