3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
