Tell her she can't have a vagina
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
