oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
