Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
