Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize