After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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