i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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