I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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