It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
