have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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