How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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