all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
