i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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