I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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