I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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