Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
