I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
