Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
