did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
