apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
