I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
