Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
