rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
No subtext here. People are naked.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
