Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
