Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
