oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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