All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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