Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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