All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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