Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
