good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
