Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
