sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
