I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
