It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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