swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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