Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
