winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
