Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
