my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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