thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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