am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
