i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
