I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
