my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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