God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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