Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
