its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
