I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
