i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
