I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
