period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
