that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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