I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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