i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
