It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
