HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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