He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
