used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
