I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
