Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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