i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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