so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i out mim tonsoeep
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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