he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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