Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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