weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
