all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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