I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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