i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
