i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
