good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
